Pursue Me!

I have been struggling through different friendships and my issues with people. I feel insecure, resentful, and frankly quite pathetic as I continually pursue time with friends but it is not always reciprocated. Now, if I get deep down and personal, I may not always want the friend popping up when it is inconvenient or when they have a need--but especially when it is convenient for me or when I'm feeling lonely, or friends do things without me and I feel left out. I want them to ask me how I'm doing, to pray for me, to whisk me away for a quiet cup of chai, to love on my kids, to stop by unannounced "just because." Now I do have friends that have done this off and on. But I want it all the time (or at least when I think I want it). I want to be sought after and pursued, not always be the one pursuing and making all the effort (again, we're dealing with my perception here).

And then I think of Jesus. It keeps popping into my head that He "did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many" (Matt. 20:28, Mark 10:45). He is the one constantly putting Himself out there, constantly seeking, and pursuing. "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost," (Luke 19:10) not to enjoy pleasantries with friends, be doted on by adoring fans, have riches and comfort bestowed on Him which He gets to share with friends, vacation at the beach with His buddies sipping cool drinks, even enjoy the physical intimacy of a wife. And His relational needs, which He does have as a human man, are completely met by his Heavenly Father (the intimacy they share is obvious). John 17 is full of this:
I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17:21-23, emphasis mine. (Slight aside here, there is so much more to digest in all of this just considering the implications of how God has loved us like He loves Jesus.)
And then on His purpose for life: “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me [the Father] and to finish his work" (John 4:34). "For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me" (John 6:38). Again, He is not thinking at all about Himself or His relationships with others His friends. Jesus' perspective is also different in that He says, "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me" (John 5:30). All of this brings me to realize that my perspective continues to be flawed (selfish at its core), and that the times I have of true unity with a fellow sister are mere glimpses of the Triune God and of what I have to look forward to in eternity with Him and other believers. But for now I can say to myself, "Pursue Him" and bow in awe and reverence that He pursues me as persistently as He does.


Some additional verses to ponder in gaining a perspective on who to seek and who is seeking me:
1 Cor. 10:24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Psa. 27:8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Luke 12:31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

John 17:26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.


Now, after all this soul-searching and deliberation, I have new questions about friendship that I wonder about. What is its purpose (as believers)? What about best friends (thinking about Jesus and Peter and John...)? Am I desiring something totally off base? Stay tuned for more ponderings...