Is
getting married, having kids, as many kids as possible, the end all, be all, ultimate goal for Christians in this life according to the New Testament? I have been thinking a great deal about this as I have friends who are
not getting married or getting pregnant.
Being married or being a parent is all the things the Scriptures say--a blessing, a wonder, and a great responsibility. But specifically going from unmarried to married, or from no children/wanting children to having them--is this the priority of our life here for the kingdom of God? A passage that got me thinking is Matthew 19:1-15:
1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
7“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have
renounced marriage
because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
13Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. 14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.
Jesus makes the point that it is a righteous perspective to be unmarried for the kingdom of God. Marriage is a blessing, children are precious in His sight, but God's priority is broader than to get married or have children. A man or woman who doesn't get married is undivided. A couple serving the Lord in some remote location who doesn't have children for the sake of the Gospel is not ungodly. I desire my children to grow up to serve the Lord however and where ever the Lord puts them on the Earth--even to the ends of the Earth. I don't want the goal of their life to be to get married and have children, because that is not the ultimate goal in this life for a Christian. God may lead them to get married and have children. He may then take their children or spouse or both away. For the married the priority becomes the husband and children. Our husband and children are not a distraction, but should open and enrich our ministry for sure. They are a blessing and a priority for ministry--second only to the Lord in our attention. What moves down in priority? The lost, the church, other people, other people's children....
This is where my ponderings go into meshing the biological family and family of faith. Is there a need for the body of Christ aside from Sundays? Is my family exclusively receiving my tenderness, my time, my devotion? That is something that is difficult and yet necessary to discern. Lord, do you want me to dedicate more to this family and less to the church? How can I be faithful to those you've entrusted me with? Who else do you want me to love for the sake of the Gospel? How do you want me to love them? I think of the Titus 2 passage here:
Titus 2:3-5
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Who is going to teach the younger women in our church? How are they going to teach them? This comes back to what I wrote a few weeks back. I think that time together on a consistent basis (aside from Sunday mornings) is necessary for this training. Here is where the thinking cannot be: should I bother with these young ladies--I have my own children to train? Their own moms should train them. Here is also where I have come to have great peace about our decision NOT to have more children (unless the Lord wills otherwise). I have limited time and energy to invest in my husband and children. Beside these, He has called me to minister to the other dear ones around me--the women and children specifically. I cannot do this if all my focus is inward and if I continue to have more children. I want to minister to the children I have, as well as the sweet children of my sister-in-Christ who has demonstrated time and time again the desire for her church family to be an intimate part of life and that of her children. After all, I committed to encouraging her and her husband in the raising of their children when they stood before the church and dedicated each child. (One passage that refers to "children" is speaking of relationships that are not even biological--but oh so dear--like 3 John 1:4, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.") I want to, as Jesus said, "renounce" having more children "for the sake of the kingdom of heaven." I want to be about serving the Lord with gladness alongside my husband and with my children right there in whatever way He wants us to. I am not saying it is wrong to desire children, have children, and lots of them. I am not saying it is bad to get married or have that desire. I am saying that it is wrong to say that the opposite is wrong, and that it can be wrong if getting married and having children takes precedence over the fact that the priority of our life here is for the kingdom of God. For Him and to His glory--by Him, and through Him, in our marriage, in our family, in our faith family, in our neighborhood, in our community, in our world. I am not saying that the New Testament doesn't pertain to marriage or having children. I just have noticed that there isn't much mention of the apostles' wives or children...but instead such an urgency to proclaim the Gospel and live it. And I notice how incredibly intimate the mention of other believers is, such deep relationships to be had! May He direct our paths in this and give us discerning and wise hearts in all these things.
Of course, I am speaking as a married mother (I have a husband and children). These relationships are something the Lord has brought into my life and they are a GOOD thing. They are not wrong. I do not wish I were not married or had no or fewer children. I need to be faithful in loving and placing these ones first and foremost as far as relationships go. I must treasure them and love them as the ones God has placed in my life as a priority. The Body of Christ is bigger and the blessings to be had richer than just our little circle though. The more we open our home and are knit together with other believers, the more amazing this picture of "family" becomes (Jesus says, "Who are my mother and brothers and sisters....Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother" Mark 3:33-35). But I digress.
A passage that has also challenged me about the priority of GETTING married and HAVING more children is 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:
32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world — how he can please his wife — 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that
you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
That you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. Wow. For me this clearly shows where our priority must lie, whether we are married, unmarried, parents, children, grandparents, or whatever our family situation looks like. It goes back to the first commandment. Jesus says in Mark 12:30, quoting Deuteronomy 6:5: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Jesus demonstrates this as he outlines his plans in Mark 8:31. He would suffer, be rejected by the "spiritual" leaders, killed, and rise again after 3 days. Peter doesn't like this and Jesus rebukes Peter "for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's" (Mark 8:33). Jesus then teaches: "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's shall save it" (Mark 8:34-36). Jesus' priorities for life surely set the precedence for us.
The question about life--and in this considering whether or not to get married and whether or not to have children/more children--becomes, as it should be with all things, what is it, Lord, that would please You? How can I deny myself, take up my cross and follow You? How can I lose my life for Your sake and the gospel's? How can I love You and the people you have called me to love best? May your will be done in my life, as it is in Heaven. Guard me against sinful attitudes in which I try to hold on to the plans and ideas
I have for my life and what would please
me.
I am Yours.
This one is at the Alatsee aka Frog Lake!
Here we are in Füssen and at the castle Hohenschwangau.
The Fränkishe Schweiz
Herzongenaurach Osterbrunnen
Schloss Sommerhausen
Mit Großmutter
