I understand the desire to close up to people/not let them get too near/not be transparent in order to not get hurt. I have struggled with this so much. But so many of the Lord's commands have the words "one another." It is impossible to do these without each other. It is also impossible to be knit together as a true body when we don't connect on a pretty deep level. The word "body" even shows this--it's not single units stringed together like a necklace, not getting too close but being close "enough." All in all, it is a huge spiritual battle. What an amazing encouragement it is to hear each other's sins and struggles, to pray together, to spend time together, to speak Scripture to each other, to be involved in each other's children's lives, to pinpoint sin and confront, and to see victories and rejoice. But this is such a battle. It is so much easier to not share sins and struggles, to not pray, to stay alone, to be alone in our Scripture discoveries, to not be inconvenienced, to keep away and not go too deep. I am speaking to myself in all of this. When we look at the church in Acts, or hear Paul talking about other believers who have so encouraged him...these are things that cannot happen as we stay back and remain at a distance. Not only is Jesus an "all in" relationship, but the relationship we get to have with each other can be at that level. Does that mean we'll get hurt? Sure. Jesus and Paul certainly did. Does that mean we'll hurt others? Sure. Paul did (I'm thinking Barnabas here--they had a sharp dispute, so that was definitely a bad day for both of them). But what an enormous blessing we are able to live out as a body knit together, functioning to the glory of God as the world "sees" what Jesus is in us. The things that hold me back are definitely wrong thinking each time:
"She doesn't really care."
"I am fine without her in my life."
"I am too tired to deal with her issues."
"She isn't a blessing to me."
"I need help, and she obviously doesn't, so I'm pathetic."
"She has made me feel ugly (or fat or like a bad mother or like a mess or...) before so I don't want to feel that way anymore."
"I always say the wrong thing around her so she probably thinks I'm an idiot."
"I've asked for forgiveness but she still seems weird towards me. I'll just be surfacy with her from now on."
"She has a better life. It's too painful to be near her and hear about it."
"I'm fine with God, my husband and kids. I don't need anyone else."
"I don't want to be a burden."
"I am a burden and no one wants to deal with that so I'll just draw away from them."
I tried to dig deep to think of some of the wrong and sinful thoughts I've had that have hampered my relationships, caused me to become bitter, or just plain been wrong. These are just off the top of my head (pretty sad, I know!). But in order for our body to flourish, we need to need and know each other. The biggest verse for this is John 13:34-35:
Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Just analyzing how Jesus loved as well as thinking about what love looks like is enough to make my brain go into overdrive. Some of it is fleshed out in:
Rom. 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Rom. 12:16
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Rom. 14:13
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.
Rom. 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Rom. 15:14
I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.
1Cor. 1:10
I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
1Cor. 16:20
All the brothers here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.
2Cor. 13:12
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
Gal. 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Eph. 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Eph. 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Eph. 5:19
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
Eph. 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Col. 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col. 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
1Th. 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Titus 3:3
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.
Heb. 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
Heb. 10:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Heb. 10:25
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
James 4:11
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
1Pet. 1:22
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.
1Pet. 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
1Pet. 4:9
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1Pet. 5:5
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
1Pet. 5:14
Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.
1John 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1John 3:11
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
1John 3:23
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
1John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1John 4:12
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
2 John 1:5
And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.
YIKES!!! As I read through these, I am seriously convicted. I know I have definitely not been the best at showing love and am so sorry for the many times I have hurt others. May God use this wretch (me) for His glory. May I be open and able to "one another" in His church.
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